Bi and Bi

So, I was in Borders the other day, wondering why (according to the bookstore's LGBTQI section of literature), I apparently do not exist? Why does it seem bisexuals are so irrelevant to both straight and gay (and many trans) communities?  I find it frustrating that when bisexuality is even acknowledged (which it is not in this bookstore- and many other places) it is only referenced when discussing "questioning" youth, promiscuity or cheating, identity confusion, or switching teams.  It's unfair that even among the so-called "queer community" we cannot be acknowledged or accepted for everything that makes us who we are.  In our conversations regarding DADT, we constantly use the phrase "gay soldiers"- Too many people forget the bi and trans folks, forget inclusion, forget the equality they claim to stand for... It's getting old. 

       Cynthia Nixon, a celeb of status and wealth, cannot, at least in public, identify as bisexual, and instead claims that her choosing to call herself gay is a "political" identification.  If even a woman in her position cannot call herself what she truly is, how can those of us in the bi/fluid/pan community who have less visibility and fewer resources feel comfortable coming out as who we are? 

   Must we honestly refer to ourselves as gay (or straight) when our behavior is clearly not so black-and-white?  Should we oversimplify descriptions or labels when communicating our orientations, merely because others can't accept who we are?

   I remember one night that I danced with a friend at Gallery (the club in Providence, RI that was an incredible safe space for me when 'coming out' at 19)- and an acquaintance there said, upon discovering that I was attracted to men, "Oh. You're one of those."  I couldn't believe that this woman who self-identified as a butch dyke was going to sit there and judge me, make me feel small, make me feel ashamed, in a place I had loved for so long.  I had loved it for its open/accepting atmosphere... but here I was, defending myself yet again to someone who wished to discriminate/hate/accuse/condescend/assume.

I understand that women have plenty of reasons to feel anger towards men.  I struggle constantly with my issues as a rape survivor, and I understand the resentment one can feel when one is aware of this oppressive patriarchy.  But it's not just lesbians hating on bi women; there are plenty of gay men who dislike bisexual men and women too.

I'll be writing more on this topic later, but now I should get back to studying for final exams. Definitely more to come, though! BI until then!:)

Two Battles: Defending a country, Fending off rapists

My best friend will be leaving for boot camp in several weeks. This has been on my mind, urging that little voice in the back of my head to get louder, and it has me thinking of things I wish were untrue. 18 U.S veterans kill themselves each day. Female soldiers are more likely to develop PTSD from sexual assault than combat. One in three women report sexual assault or rape while serving- and how many of those veterans who kill themselves were also rape victims?
I mean, not that America has anything resembling a moral compass these days, but nonetheless, how have we become this collectively and blatantly inhumane? How are we sitting idly by, as those who have defended our country come home to homelessness? How can we not care that our female soldiers are being raped and harassed (and enduring another layer to their Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)?
In honor of May 30th being Military Sexual Trauma Awareness Day, I figured I would write of this insanity, and try to inform more people of this issue. However, truly changing the response of our armed forces to incidents of sexual assault is going to require more than information. Because the facts are already readily available; Yet, there are still so many who don't care to stop it. The U.S. military wants to turn a blind eye to this injustice, which is why it allows convicted rapists to enlist. So much for the "zero tolerance" policy, right? And it gets better: According to the Department of Defense's own statistics, 74-85% of soldiers convicted of rape or sexual assault leave the military with honorable discharges (meaning the rape conviction does not appear on their record). In 2009, 3,230 restricted and unrestricted reports of sexual assault were filed, which is an 11 percent increase from 2008. The statistics speak for themselves. Our government's priorities are clear. Gays cannot serve openly in any branch, but rapists can. And if you are a soldier and are assaulted, you probably won't be helped or heard at all.
Fortunately, there are more support groups emerging and an increased awareness among military and civilian folks about the issue. I pray that eventually our sexist society will be altered permanently for the better, and somehow that sensitivity will transform military culture as well, but that remains an unfulfilled wish/pipe dream/fantasy for now. I hope everyone I know and love is always safe and free from harm, and I intend to fight forever to make that a reality. And to those close to me who wear a Coast Guard or Army or Navy uniform: please pay close attention to the behavior of your battle buddies. Assume nothing. Freedom isn't free, but why shouldn't it be? Why must anyone, especially a female soldier or veteran, pay the highest price, or sacrifice her mental health/physical safety/autonomy/sexuality- in order to fight for her country and express her patriotism as she chooses to?
When once interviewing a classmate at Rhode Island College, for the Library of Congress's Veterans History Project, I remember the look on this woman's face as she described her experiences with sexual assault by her superiors in the army. She seemed so afraid, as if speaking out loud about it was breaking an unspoken rule, and yet she wanted me to know her story. These women are so strong -so brave- and yet, their hearts and bodies are being trampled on, and their voices continuously silenced. This has to end, yesterday.