systems/sexuality/psychology/suicide/silence.

  Fall is here, whether I want to resist it or not, and I've said goodbye to catching fireflies, climbing trees on warm July afternoons, running around Providence blissed-out with friends, stargazing on rooftops, etcetera.  The season of getting drunk off dancing, swimming in the sea, partying at Gay Pride events- it has passed, and Halloween is right around the corner. It's time for pumpkin spice coffee and pumpkin-carving and welcoming the inevitable hibernation that winter brings.
   Right now, however, I can't seem to access any of summer's "natural highs" with my body frozen beneath sweaters and scarves, and my mind hyper-focused on some pretty depressing topics.  2010 has provided plenty of reasons to be happy in my "personal life"...But in terms of overall outlook on the bigger picture, I cannot find any logical reason to stay calm.
   Where to begin? Progress has not been made, outrage has not been heard, and mainstream media can hardly be trusted to speak of either idea, when channels like Fox go as far as to actually defend BP.  While I blame this corporation for the spill, and while I will continue to point a finger at our government for its lack of response... I simultaneously acknowledge that we are all responsible for finding a solution and ensuring that this never happens again. We must all contribute what we can, to clean up this mess and the many others we have made over time.
  I recently argued with an acquaintance about BP's disaster; he seemed to maintain an utterly pessimistic and self-centered view of the entire debacle.  This man, (who will remain nameless out of respect for the people I know who care for him), insisted that all is hopeless, and declared that none of us should attempt to clean up or spread awareness -or assist on any level other than donating money. Moreover, he kept repeating during the course of our debate that he believes it is ridiculous to try and change our system in America.  When I argued that, with our political, social, and economic systems structured as they are, this won't be the last oil spill to take place, all he could reply was, "If people get pissed off enough, they will get off their asses and do something about it, but until then, we're screwed. And the system doesn't have to change, we just have to be less lazy and work harder for what we want."
   This, coming from an artist who has never contributed anything to a cause higher than art made by and for white men.  This, coming from someone who has no mouths to feed besides his own.  This, coming from someone with little education (traditional and non) on most subjects outside of art and music.  I guess this ignorance of our "system" of oppression and exploitation and racist/sexist/homophobic societal ladders should be expected?  It has me wondering... Is anyone, besides those interested in social justice, truly infuriated by current events?  Is anyone, besides those who are passionate environmentalists and political/social activists, deeply disturbed by what has been in the news lately? 
  I, for one, cannot sleep soundly at night, knowing what I do about the recent suicides taking place among our nation's LGBT youth.  While I would rather be queer and HERE than in most other countries at this point in time, I still cannot understand how we allow such abuse to drive teenagers to suicide; as teachers, parents, friends, classmates, etc. in America... how do we not speak up? How have we failed this many children? How did we let ourselves permit hate speech so intensely and so frequently, and not notice the homophobia in our teenage bullies?
  I have run into this idea in my personal experiences recently, and was challenged to put my beliefs into action, even in the face of potentially losing this new counselor job that I love so much.  I work in a school and residential facility for teens with behavioral and mental health disorders, who are mostly minorities coping with the effects of having suffered rape, abuse, and more.  One coworker, upon learning of a teenage client's self-identifying as bisexual, went on a rant about how "You are either born gay or straight...it's just wrong to be bisexual, it doesn't work like that."  At first, being new to this position, I was speechless.  I was afraid to speak up and afraid of causing friction between myself and this woman- And more importantly, I, too, was now afraid to come out of the closet.
  In the past couple of weeks, I attempted to play peacemaker between our client and this particular staff member.  I tried to make it clear that any client's sexual orientation was not up for debate or criticism.  It's obvious that I am looked at differently now, (for being out and proud and an advocate for a "confused" teenager who likes to be "skanky" in her dating habits), but I am not worried about losing this job anymore.  And if I do lose it for an inappropriate discriminatory reason, I will not go quietly.  Speaking out is always easier said than done- But the alternative is far worse. Losing a job or a friend or a comfort zone is a preferable outcome to possibly knowing a suicide or assault or hate crime could have been prevented but wasn't...
  And yet, I still do not feel that the Average Joe or Jane does not care about any of these pressing matters, unless it directly affects them...My questions remain: How do we engage those outside of the activist communities to care about life or death situations?  How do we convince everyday people to care about issues they either are not aware of, or don't find relevant?  And last but certainly not least: How do we teach people to care about issues of significance-- even if those issues do not at all affect them/their own privileged lives?
~*~

Bi and Bi

So, I was in Borders the other day, wondering why (according to the bookstore's LGBTQI section of literature), I apparently do not exist? Why does it seem bisexuals are so irrelevant to both straight and gay (and many trans) communities?  I find it frustrating that when bisexuality is even acknowledged (which it is not in this bookstore- and many other places) it is only referenced when discussing "questioning" youth, promiscuity or cheating, identity confusion, or switching teams.  It's unfair that even among the so-called "queer community" we cannot be acknowledged or accepted for everything that makes us who we are.  In our conversations regarding DADT, we constantly use the phrase "gay soldiers"- Too many people forget the bi and trans folks, forget inclusion, forget the equality they claim to stand for... It's getting old. 

       Cynthia Nixon, a celeb of status and wealth, cannot, at least in public, identify as bisexual, and instead claims that her choosing to call herself gay is a "political" identification.  If even a woman in her position cannot call herself what she truly is, how can those of us in the bi/fluid/pan community who have less visibility and fewer resources feel comfortable coming out as who we are? 

   Must we honestly refer to ourselves as gay (or straight) when our behavior is clearly not so black-and-white?  Should we oversimplify descriptions or labels when communicating our orientations, merely because others can't accept who we are?

   I remember one night that I danced with a friend at Gallery (the club in Providence, RI that was an incredible safe space for me when 'coming out' at 19)- and an acquaintance there said, upon discovering that I was attracted to men, "Oh. You're one of those."  I couldn't believe that this woman who self-identified as a butch dyke was going to sit there and judge me, make me feel small, make me feel ashamed, in a place I had loved for so long.  I had loved it for its open/accepting atmosphere... but here I was, defending myself yet again to someone who wished to discriminate/hate/accuse/condescend/assume.

I understand that women have plenty of reasons to feel anger towards men.  I struggle constantly with my issues as a rape survivor, and I understand the resentment one can feel when one is aware of this oppressive patriarchy.  But it's not just lesbians hating on bi women; there are plenty of gay men who dislike bisexual men and women too.

I'll be writing more on this topic later, but now I should get back to studying for final exams. Definitely more to come, though! BI until then!:)