peace

Haiti. Scott Brown's victory. The recent Supreme Court decision to allow unlimited corporate spending in politics. The recent loss of Howard Zinn and Miep Gies and many others/ the many more deaths that will result from Uganda's "Kill the Gays" bill. The list goes on and on. The endless cycle of pain/patriarchy/power-tripping and oppression and re-victimization and catastrophe and and and. There is so much bullshit happening all around us, and not enough action/compassion/unity/love/sincerity/ability to stop it.
So... Lately, I've been thinking about how our interpersonal versions of violence are just smaller scales of the "bigger picture" aggression and conflict (à la John Mayer's "Heartbreak Warfare" lyrics)- And I've been wondering why more people don't attempt to fix these broken parts of themselves. While we work on collective goals/political structures/counterculture ideals/community organizing etc. etc. we keep forgetting that the fundamental question (that lies at the heart of such change and growth and progressiveness) is : "What does it mean to be human?"
We cannot promote change or improve the quality of our institutions or accomplish any of our supposed dreams/projects/whatever, if we cannot learn to fully respect one another, be authentic with each other, and support one another. Whether spiritually/economically/psychologically/politically/etc., we are constantly abandoning or devaluing or ignoring or dismissing one another. If we are to end all the coercion and domination and anger and repression and manipulation that we claim to want to eliminate from the "system"- If we are to fix the structural inequalities and repair the social/political/cultural damage in a big way- We must consciously change ourselves and our interactions with individuals on a daily basis. Otherwise, we are hypocrites who cannot connect the dots between: what we do when no one is looking, what we do to those we intimately know and love, and what we do systematically (through organized groups, governments, institutions, etc).... We cannot fix or help "humanity" if we cannot be humane with each other in everyday conversations.
I am reminded of an Alanis Morissette song (titled "Underneath") that probably describes the ideas I'm contemplating better than my own choice of words...
"Look at us break our bonds in this kitchen
Look at us rallying all our defenses
Look at us waging war in our bedroom
Look at us jumping ship in our dialogues
There is no difference in what we're doing in here
That doesn't show up as bigger symptoms out there
So why spend all our time in dressing our bandages
When we've the ultimate key to the cause right here, our underneath
Look at us our form our cliques in our sandbox
Look at us micro kids with both our hearts blocked
Look at us turn away from all the rough spots
Look at dictatorship on my own block"
For now, until people learn more about peace and sensitivity and love and caretaking and sharing and compromising and more, the only thing I can control or improve is my own behavior. So I remember to be kind. I cook and laugh and knit, I give hugs, answer phone calls, try my hardest, and recommend an apple a day. I remain soft and strong, which is not an easy balance to maintain. I avoid becoming jaded/cynical/too sarcastic. I breathe as deeply as possible and focus on feelings of gratitude. If a stranger or partner or friend is crying, (or lonely, or in need of assistance), I try to be there. As much as possible. Reciprocity is key. Generosity is as essential as sincerity. Unpretentious dispositions are more important than many people realize. And taking the time to learn how to make delicious Cranberry Lemon Pear jam with your mom on a Saturday morning is perfect, when you know you're giving back time/love/energy/anything to those who have brought you (elevated you) to the place you're in now.
And let there be peace.